My Religion is a Fucking Anime

10 Months Ago:

The long and the short of it is, I finally realized something that, in hindsight, should’ve been glaringly obvious. Hints with varying degrees of subtlety were dropped by all three of the netjeru I work with; reading the blogs and accounts of others who have something of a strong connection with the Unseen/gods, I should’ve noticed that when two gods are highly involved in one’s practice, those two gods’ relationship with each other starts to get dragged into it all. So, really, I should have guessed that honoring both Set and Horus would eventually bring me to the point where I’m “caught” between the two, so to speak; it looks like their relations to -and against one another is going to end up being a recurring theme in my practice/life.

Here’s what I wrote in my “Godphone/Astral Journal” (because ‘Book of Shadows’ sounds a little too Wiccan for my taste) a couple of weeks ago that kind of ‘kicked off’ this whole realization and exploration of my spiritual life:

“Okay, so, something weird happened yesterday. I’ve often felt like Horus is standing at my right and Set at my left -their energies feel different- and I felt conflicted. Yesterday as I was lying down, that feeling didn’t go away. Horus called me ‘leader’, and Set called me ‘fighter’, and the two looked at each other and Set asked him, ‘Together, don’t you think?’ Horus ‘nodded’ and suddenly it was like I was at the center of a dialogue rather than a conflict.

“I resisted at first because I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t think it was ‘right’, somehow. Later I kind of ‘let go’ and it felt like I was close to both of them at once. Usually when I communicate with either of them it’s like they look through me and find parts of me that are similar to them, and then we ‘connect’ at those points, like some kind of spiritual overlap. That’s why when I talk to Horus I feel drawn to his ideals, why it feels like talking to them ‘changes’ me, why I resist. It’s part of why I usually feel conflicted about working with them, because of the dissonance between their respective values and energy and changes they make in me. Somehow, this time, I felt both of them at once. I became kind of like a proxy for something much bigger and older than me. Set saw me as Horus, Horus saw me as Set, and the both of them connected through me. Then it was like a math equation where I was ‘x’, like I was a stand-in for the human race.

“I don’t know what any of this means. They seemed like they were doing something they’d done many times before. I haven’t been communicating with either of them since we ‘finished’. I kind of feel different but I can’t explain how.” 

And then I start talking (read, arguing and whining and freaking out) to Thoth about it. All three of them have been super vague and aggravatingly cagey about what it is or means or what its purpose is supposed to be, as is usual for the gods in my experience.

Present Day:

I kinda feel a little nostalgic for the days when I had no clue what their little “teamwork meditation exercise” was supposed to be, or what exactly they were getting me ready for, or the, um, amorous nature of the connection they were building. Or what they were ultimately trying to create out of a lonely, smart-mouthed and traumatized young girl. I sure did spend long enough plugging my fingers in my ears and singing “la la la” and ignoring everything they said about it, from Heru insisting that I’m “totally a leader!!!” to Set laughing at me when I tried to tell him I wasn’t ambitious, or that I was supposed to be “as gentle as a dove”. There were literally so many hints and signs over the past year or so…them making me read the Art of War. Heru always wanting me to “pamper myself” and “look pretty” even though I rarely have the time and resources for that (my daily goal is generally just to consume enough calories to keep myself alive, and not push my body to the point that my brain decides to throw a tantrum and put me through either a manic or depressive episode). Their subtle and not-so-subtle insistence that we spend hours and hours thinking about the nature of responsibility and leadership. Set’s constant bugging me that I have to go “network” with deities from other pantheons (which always makes me nervous because different pantheons have different rules. Hell, you know how often Dionysus has had to come save my ass because I mouthed off to the wrong Hellenic deity and was about to get curb-stomped?). Heru always wanting to talk about how “hierarchies aren’t that baaaaad” and I need to work out my issues with authority, etc.

The list of hints goes on and on and on. Honestly, I’ve stopped even looking through my “godphone journals” because every time I do, I see something like that and go “NOPE” and have to spend the next ten minutes having a small existential dilemma. But then, this happened:

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And then a few days later I found this book:

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Text: Seth Teaches the Young King Archery, and Horus Instructs Him in Fighting With the Spear

And so, this being the straw that breaks the camel’s back, I no longer have the energy in me to keep shoving my head into the dirt in stubborn denial.

So, sacred kingship. Why not, right? Why the fuck not. I mean, especially considering that I’m an anarchist, which literally means “a lack of rulers”, Heru would go and pull something like this, just to mess with me. (That’s what I get for running my mouth about it, so loudly and often.) It makes perfect sense that I, a brand-new baby polytheist who hasn’t even graduated high school yet, should have this shit thrusted upon me as well as having romantic relationships with the two of them, having astral experiences, having some weird otherkin-esque thing going on with Fenrir (Sometimes he turns me into a wolf puppy so we can communicate more easily. Don’t ask.) and being young and opinionated. It’s not like I haven’t already got every single other weird thing going on in my religious life, so. Fine. I might as well have this, too. It’s only logical, right? Patterns and all that? (Gods, what I wouldn’t give to be able to apply some kind of scientific method to all this.)

You know what? Why don’t Set and HSA shove some little chunks of themselves in me, too, so I  can get shit for being a “shard” or “godkin”. Why only have two or three ‘special snowflake’ anime things going on, when I can have everything? Hell, yes. Bring on the anime crackfest. Make me the specialest goddamn snowflake. Because why not. 

Anyways, now that I’m done with my bitching; I do know of at least a few other people for whom sacred kingship is a part of their practice. There’s Tamara in the KO, obviously, but also a few people I hang out with on Tumblr. And I know I’ve heard somewhere that sacred kingship isn’t that uncommon in other religions. I guess I should start researching the concept….along with the nine thousand other things (including Heathenry and Hellenicism) that I’ve been meaning to start researching, of course.

Why couldn’t I just have stayed a monotheist. Why. 

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